I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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