I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
