I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
