Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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