Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
