the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
