If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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