I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
