Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
