I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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