things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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