my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
