Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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