I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
