please come you make the beer taste better
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
