So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
