Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
