Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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