I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I accidentally burped into my bong.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
