At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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