Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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