cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
