We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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