when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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