Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
