Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
