he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
