hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize