The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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