I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize