She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
