I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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