What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
