census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
