Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
