remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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