omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
