I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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