think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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