God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
