Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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