My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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