i don't like sucking hair
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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