Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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