That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
