they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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