yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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