Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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