Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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