i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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