I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
