We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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