Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
