Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
