So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just pee around me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
