she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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