Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
