The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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