Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
