My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
