Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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