Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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