Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
