PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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