I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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