I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
