Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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