If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
