Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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