I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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