i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
