you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
