that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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