just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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