i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
