I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
