I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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