All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
